TESM's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[Legend of Miyamoto]

My my, what qualifies for NG's best these days.

I actually liked this, if for the nostalgia. It's short, as you mentioned, but that's no excuse for the reviewer NOT calling it to mind.

People who vote 10s because it "REMINDS ME OF THOSE GAMES I PLAYED" are idiots.

The animation is minimal at best. I liked the little Shiggy sprite changes, but overall, the animations were kept to a simple 3-7 frame (if at that) scheme. It was really just a slide-show, with some sprites, with some music I didn't care for, with some plot I didn't care about, with some concept that (in variation) has been done 5 million times [insert hyperbole].

Not the worst I've seen, but this is easily a 3.5-3.75 flash, at best.

The presentation is smooth, the whole thing jives well--- but the concept, actual depth of animation, story, etc is very shallow.

[Cooking Sama]

Ugh.

The graphics are well done, I'll concede that. A smooth, albeit annoying presentation.

A lot of those same anime cop-outs in regards to animation: chibi, flailing arms that are really...4...maybe 5 frames of animation.

That bubbly sountrack gets on my nerves, as much as I like Kirby.

The pace is excruciating. Maybe it's funny because other 9 year olds somehow come to NG AND have played cooking Mama. But to me, it's not funny. It's slow, it's boring, and largely unoriginal... unless Lucky Star character Lesbians getting freaked out by toast is what counts for original nowadays.

I really wasn't a fan of this.

[How 2 Succeed on NG]

This is quite funny

A very well done and accurate parody in my opinion. Coming here since '97 or so... things don't change much.

[The Last Flash]

I'm confused:

If you didn't care, why show it?

I know being a flash artist is a thankless job, and I suck too.

But... well... if you are leaving... nice lack of dignity.

I just stopped doing it and became a bitter reviewer (or did I?)

coldReactive responds:

Thank you, now I see why my old flashes got blammed all the time, because of jerks like you! hehe

[Nietzsche kills God]

Gay jew is kinda right.

But he did say "we have killed him."

This shit makes no sense... It's like Monty Python took a dump in on an easel.

The only things worthwhile was the turning Nietzschecopter...

other than that: BALEETED.

Serdo responds:

You'll see when you find, or viceversa. Forget about Monty Phyton, the're dead man. Merry Christmas for you too ^_^

[Spinoza - Garden of Eden]

Benedict Spinoza????/

As Lex Luthor would say:

WROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!

Boring use of Monty Python... and no understanding of BARUCH Spinoza.

Wow.

Also... *speech* [Microphone click]... *speech* [Microphone click]

[Metaphysics]

WOW

OK ... 'Descartes!'

1) This had nothing to do with metaphysics

2) This was less insightful than the QUESTION "Dude, where's my car?"

3) WORST KIERKEGAARD QUOTE INSERT EVER... which has to do with faith... probably the teleological suspension of the ethical (In Fear and Trembling) and NOT this.

4) That one piece of toast could NOT be a toast army. Why wasn't this designation used when the copy and tween toast-lance-army was seen?

5) You asked "So what?".. so.... what?

this sucks.

nachallnight responds:

Thank you for the feedback, noted.

[MyPhilosophicalQuestion1]

This fails...philisophically... on so many levels.

Step one: Learn the term 'contingency' and this all falls apart.
i.e. The bird gives birth to another bird. The human gives birth to another human. Thus the bird and human share a common origin.
Now, this isn't exactly what you said, but your cosmology states we came from a singular origin, and you have taken THIS position in a univocal sense. This flash has a similar, albeit strange, approach to Spinoza.

I'll admit that logical syllogism above isn't great.

But, to claim that from the same origin we are all the same is to say that 3 children from their parents are the same. THEY are contingent on their parents (and the parents before), yet the are in many ways different (although admittedly the same).

The next problem:
Misconception of the big bang and matter that constitutes objects runs rampant, but I'll allow you to work those out.

I can't explain it in this small place. What I can say though is that this 'thinking' is the tip of the iceberg...a seeker of truth questions the premise, method, and conclusion so that it may yield the best fruits.

[is]

Oh you modern-inspired youths

"Language is the house of being."
~Martin Heidegger

Which...is questionable.

This flash sucks.